1. pretend you don't speak english, and start jabbering away in another language until they hang up. 2.if they ask you if you want money, then reply that you sure could, cause you just filed for bankruptcy
3. start flirting with them
4.start questioning them about their personal life..."h0ow did you get to be a telemarketer? is this really the job for you? do you have any problems in the home?" etc.
5."ahhhh your breaking up! im going through a tunnel"
6.tell them that "the police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn't released the body to the coroner yet.Can you call back a little later?"
7."I'm gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some hot water. Lots of it. Sorry, gotta hurry now,don't go away! Ill be back in a minute!!"
8."I'm just house sitting here, buddy. The owners won't be back for a couple months. You wouldn't have a good deal on off-brand whiskeys and beer by the case, would you? Maybe a bottle of tequila?"
9. "hi, you have reached the sex hot line, do we have the right number? or are you not a hottie?"
10."oh its so nice to finally talk to someone about all of my problems. You see, my dog just died, my car broke down, my hairs all flat, i have gone up two dress sizes...."
11.tell them that the owner of the house isnt there right now, and INSIST on leaving them a mesage. then, while they leave the message, keep repeating things like "sorry, how do you spell WHAT?? could you repeat that number again please..."etc.
12."Excuse me, this nice police officer, next to me said that I should inform you that my phone is being tapped. Now, what kind of drugs did you say you were selling?"
13. scream "THE NAZIS ARE COMING!!!!" and hang up.
14."i think you have the wrong number...BYE"
15."What's that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down on my hearing aid. Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? Do you have issues? I said louder, not softer you %#@& idiot"
16. put on music to the phone and sing loudly and as horrible as you can (try annoying songs, such as the song thats never ends or barbie girl, etc.)
17.leave the phone of the hook, and let them talk to nobody.
18.start ordering a pizza
19.start asking lots of stupid questions about what they're selling or what ever and keep doing that untill they hang up
20.pretend that u cant hear them and go "hello? hello? i cant hear you! hello??!! who ever this is can u please speak!THIS ISNT FUNNY! Come on if this is that guy acrross the street im SO gonna call the police can u please stop calling u stalker!! " and totally ignore them talking back...just keep going till they hang up works everytime..
21.if they ask start asking you questions say" sorry im in a really big hurry...but i like were this conversations going so can you please give me your home number so we can talk further?"then they will probably say " no..."
and then you say" what you dont like being bothered at home ..well neither do I " and hang up!!!
22.Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services.... You: "Hang on a second." (Few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"
23. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where on earth she could know you from.
24. Say, "No", repeatedly. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can eep going until they hang up.
25. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
26. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood.
27. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you.
28. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Mantermills." You: "Mantermills!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."
29. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!" and then hang up.
30."MICHAEL JACKSON FOREVER!!"
31.tell them your life story.
32. pick up the phone and they say is ( dads name) there and dad said no sorry i'm his brother bill (dads name) is in norway right now and he won't be back for 5 years
33.When ever they ask for the homeowner i say sorry hes not in right now, but really he'd be really interested in you brooms! if you give me your number i can get him to call you back! if they say no keep persisting
34.answer and say
"Hello, you have reached the city morgue, you stab them we slab them"
35.tell them when they are gonna hang up and call back later that you will be awating there call...by sitting at the phone
36. apparently if you tell them 'sorry , this is a work line' they will hang up right away because it's illegal to telemarket a work line..(?)
37. if they ask to speak to whoever break into tears and say they just died... or ask if it is Dave or Sarah (make up a name) and tell them to stop being such a jerk. i mean mom/dad just died and i'm having a rough time. (break into tears)
38. say you have a really hard lasgt name to say and no telemarketer can get it right. "hello is mr. or mrs.-" stop them there "Ok, i'm gonna give you one chance to say my last name right and if you don't, i am going to hang up and you are never going to call this house again" "mr. or mrs. Alkam-" "WRONG!" and you end it there
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There will be peace in the valley for me, some day
There will be peace in the valley
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