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Dexus's Joke Thread   |
| Lol Central, Version 2 |
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 Replies: 564 — Last Post Nov. 9 1:52pm by Dexus
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
 Patron
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A man is walking around the streets of New York one day when he spies an old friend of his from college. "Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been ?" "Well," Boris replies. "I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra." "Spectacular!" the man replies. "It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the king of England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the tuba with gold and they fill the trombone with gold, and then there's me with the damn piccolo. "We play for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the tuba with silver and they fill the trombone with silver, and then there's me with the damn piccolo. "Then we play for the czar of Russia. He hates the music; he say 'Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the trombone doesn't fit..and then there's me with the damn piccolo!"
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..." David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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rebelmozzerella
Patron
Support Leader
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I love these!
They make me so happy. :)
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they let us play with markers
but i kept trying to draw infinity
and i read the bible to pass the time.
read my blog.
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." God then addresses Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe?" Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair."
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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You have 1 new message.
i luv ur jokes so much it makes me forget bout other things for a while, keep up the good work 
